Summer 2023

Well hello there. It’s been a while since I’ve published some writing, it’s an honor to return to the platform that kind of shaped my creative outlet for so many years.

Let’s catch up:

This is what I look like in 2023. I’m living in Jersey, (Bloomfield to be exact,) and I’m working in a chemistry lab.

About this summer:

It felt like the summeriest summer I’ve had in a longggggg time. I’ve been in Jersey for over a year now so there’s no real excuse to not be living it up. This was my first summer spent living alone-it was real asf to say the least lol.

Despite being alone for (most of) the summer, I still made sure to get up and do the damn thing. Molly and I even went to the beach!

Wildwood is pretty far away, but it was a new experience to bring Molly to a completely foreign dog-filled location and just let her be. Though we didn’t stay for too long and the sand is still all over my car, we made a great day trip out of it.

This summer was the year that I learned how important the night sky means to me. Living in Bloomfield feels like the end of the world when it comes to the stars: you can barely see a single one. Obviously living close to NYC has its pros and cons, light pollution being one of them.

After googling nearby dark sky spots, I found myself in Cherry Springs, PA 400 miles from home, on top of a mountain to see those stars.

The stars were brilliant that night, but I wasn’t completely blown away until I returned (with a buddy) near the new moon. We saw some planets and more shooting stars in one night than I ever have in my life.

I did a shit ton of driving this summer. From Cherry Springs to Virginia, to New Hampshire and back my car put on MILEAGE these last few months.

After suffering a complete loss of my sense of self, I decided I needed a period to just reset. Needed to get back to the basics of taking care of me so that I could better take care of others (aka Molly).

I met up with my mom in Virginia halfway(-ish) from Georgia to do a Molly swap.

So many things went into this decision, largely the fact that I felt like I had too much responsibility to bear alone so suddenly. It was difficult to prioritize the type of social life I was imagining while being tied/tethered to my apartment indefinitely.

Now that we’re over a month removed, I miss my dog. I love the routine and structure that walking her every day gives me. I’ve never lived in an apartment without a dog before, it’s extremely quiet. Nobody moves unless I do.

We should be re-exchanging Molly in a few weeks, once my car stuff gets taken care of.

This summer I got to be reunited with the airport. It had been over a year since I’d flown on a plane and I was starting to feel my tattoo break out into a rash.

I flew to GA where I got to spend a long weekend visiting my friends and stuffing my face with my favorite tacos.

I had a blast, that visit was exactly what I needed. It’s so easy to get caught up in my own world, especially living alone, and especially when I’m so far away from my core support system. Whenever I go back, I’m reminded that I’m not alone, I’m not unwanted or forgotten about. There’s an entire world of people in my life and I can’t disregard their significance to me just because they’re not here.

I feel like visiting GA gave me a bit of a paradigm shift. Suddenly I’m 15 again, living a life full of non-replicable experiences that need to be captured. Every second is precious, every moment is fleeting. Suddenly life is beautiful.

Fifteen year old me has been calling out to me a lot this summer, in fact this blog post is dedicated to her. There was one place we hadn’t been since right before I was 15, and it was only right that we took a trip to our favorite summer home: Bob’s.

I drove Auntie and I to Bob’s. It was fully my idea, I initiated it and put in the work to make it happen. Bob didn’t even know we were coming, it was a surprise.

Nothing could have prepared me for how intensely emotional that trip would be for me. Bob is in his 90’s and my aunt is just a few months shy of 80. They’re my old people, I’m so fortunate to have non-traditional elders.

Never have I ever been so reminded of the passage of time. Suddenly I have a driver’s license and enough experience to drive for 6 hours straight. Suddenly Bob needs a walker and needs help getting out of his chair. How did it happen so fast?

It was extremely comforting to return to Monroe.

I climbed into the same twin bed in the same room and turned on the light under which I used to do my summer reading homework. The books I’ve read there, the games I played, the nights I spent. As someone who has a different zip code every year, seeing the dead rose that I left on the nightstand in 2014 exactly where I left it really reassured me that this would always be my home.

Never have I ever felt so in the right place at the right time. The air was filled with so much love. I sobbed on our last night looking up at the stars just thinking about life. All we have in the end is each other.

I returned to Jersey with a new sense of vitality. Life is happening now and I want to be part of it. With a newly wide open schedule I set out to fill my calendar up with as many activities as possible, especially last minute items.

With the right luck (and divine timing,) I was able to score a last minute pit ticket to the VMAs.

My phone got locked up in a pouch but I had a good time anyway. I made friends in the audience and fully lived in the moment for the 5 hours that I was there. Definitely a once in a lifetime experience, I was front and center to the main stage (literally HOW).

The good vibes just kept going. The night after the VMAs I’d gotten tickets for Denzel Curry (the same night that $B were in town, go figure). Somehow it got lost in translation that the concert start time was at 10:30. We didn’t get in the doors until 10:45.

I waited in a long line by myself for over an hour debating whether or not I even wanted to be there. I got scanned and was taught to ask for a table for 1.

For the second night in a row, being by myself gave me a huge advantage.

They stuck my single ass at the closest table to the stage. I was making eye contact with Curry the whole night. Not only did I have a great view, it was an incredible show. His band KILLED it, he annihilated. From the freestyles to guitar solos, building the beat live on the keyboard? It felt like a musical showcase. The talent on that one stage was incredible, I was genuinely moved by the whole experience.

I got home at 2 am.

Apart from all the excitement, I’ve been trying to fall back in love with life. It’s super easy to love life in the periods when I’m zipping back and forth between locations and events. It gets kind of hard when life slows down, when we round the corner towards mundane, to feel the same appreciation and enthusiasm for life.

I can’t believe summer’s over already. It feels like just yesterday it was February.

To future Brianna: I’m always with you, hopefully this will help us remember what life is all about.

That’s all for now! See you soon.